Monday, June 14, 2010

riddle me this:

I know not everyone is as addicted to coffee as I am, or is as irresponsible as I am to actually go out and buy a $5 cup of coffee on a near daily basis, but I figure there are some people out there who are and will have insight on this very perplexing situation.

A few days ago we went to Starbucks and ordered the following: Grande, Light Ice, Upside Down, Caramel Macchiato. Now yeah, the caramel macchiato is kind of a confusing drink in itself-- I mean, the flavoring is vanilla and not caramel like you'd think it would be, so when you throw the "upside down" in there you are pretty much asking for trouble. But this barista, unlike the one the day before, knew that upside down essentially means you make it in the reverse order that you normally would-- coffee and caramel on the bottom, milk goes in after. The other barista was like, "Um, y'all? So do you like, want the caramel on top? or on the bottom...?" and then she ended up not putting it in at all. Whatever. Some things are just hard for people, ok?

Reminds me of the time way back in the day when I went and ordered a Venti, 2%, Extra Hot, Toffee Nut Latte. And the girl made it with half and half. And when I asked her if she made it with half and half, she told me she made it with 2%. But I saw her make it with half and half and when I said that, she said that half and half is the same thing as 2%. What? How? Because half and half is half whole milk and half non fat, so it's half and half. Um, no. Close, kinda, but no. But good try. 'A' for effort! Now if you would please remake my drink with 2% so it literally does not go straight to my butt and stick to my arteries, I'd appreciate it.

ANYWAY! The upside down thing didn't trip up this barista, the request for light ice did. When he brought our drinks to the counter, they were hot. But we asked for iced drinks. And when I said I had asked for them to be cold he gave me an annoyed sigh and a 'tude and told me that, "around here, 'light ice' means that you want the drink hot with a little bit of room for ice at the top to cool it down." Do what now? First of all, "around here"? Where "around here"? Like, on this block? In this state? Do I look like a tourist and that's why you are saying "around here"? Cause I'm driving a car with Alaska plates... my California accent must have given it away that I'm not from "around here", right?

I've drank coffee in 19 states and 9 countries and I'm pretty sure I've never heard that before. I'm pretty sure that "light ice" universally means "don't put so much freaking ice in my drink that it is coffee flavored water by the time I take 2 sips, por favor". So don't make me look the fool when I clearly asked for an iced drink and you brought me a hot one.

Am I wrong? Baristas and coffee lovers, please correct me if I am and I'll go back to that Starbucks (that is actually located right next door to a sleep clinic-- no lie. Irony.) and apologize to the guy for asking him to correct his mistake. I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but let's face it, I don't want to be driving across the country looking like an idiot who doesn't know how to order a drink! I really don't mean to be difficult but if I'm going to drop 5 bucks for a drink, I want to like it and be how I like it. Maybe I should change my tastes and ask for something less complicated? No, I don't "do" regular coffee. Hey, at least I'm not this guy:


Emily said...

Light ice definitely means an iced drink with less ice than normal, that guy is on crack- hence why he's working at a coffee shop?
Still trying to figure out what my excuse is...

Your resident barista-cousin,

Rebecca said...

Technically, you should've ordered an 'Iced Grande, light ice, upside down caramel macchiato'. However, any barista worth their salt would've clarified - there are only a handful of times I have *ever* had someone ask for ice in a hot drink. And in that case we say "grande Zen tea with a little bit of ice." You ordered just fine - they just weren't on their game :)

EntertainingMom said...


I get an Iced Grande Americano with a splash of water and room for milk. It's like a super-strong iced coffee. I need heavy ice. It's great on a hot day because even when the ice melts the coffee still tastes like coffee and not dirty milk water. I add my milk and Splenda (2 packs) myself. This is the most delish ice coffee ever. AND an Iced Grande Americano only drains my wallet $2.65 instead of the $5 any other drink does.

The best was when I was behind a woman who asked for a "Grandee" or maybe it was "Grandy." Hello we are a New York City suburb... I mean, I could totally understand if we were in, like, Minnesota or someplace! LOL

Sarah said...

I thought of you when I was in Starbucks today and ordered an Iced caramel macchiato in your honor. Didn't do the upside down part and almost laughed when I saw how separated it was when he brought it to me. Without thinking, I said aloud, "oh, now I get the upside down part." The guy looked at me like I was insane, and I tried to pretended I was talking to T! LOL!

Joanna said...

Lol Sarah! That's so funny! I hope you liked it... I'd feel bad if you paid 5 bucks for a cup of crap ;) But yeah, it is really separated! When you order it upside down it is def. more mixed up. So silly, I know. Hope you didn't sprain your wrist stirring it ;)

Sarah said...

It was really good. not much different from my usual vanilla latte.
And, just a slight case of carpal tunnel. I should be healed in a day or two. ;)

Susie said...

ps get a vanilla latte with carmel drizzled, costs 20 cents less AND already is upside-down. BAM