Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Yesterday was one of those days where the only proper response to almost every situation was a resounding, "SERIOUSLY?!" Seriously. The twins woke up at 5:15 am, teething something fierce. A is cutting 2 teeth and MJ is cutting 4. Seriously. Cranky babies all day. Seriously.

Then every time the phone rang there was just bad news. It got to the point where we would just look at the phone when it rang, wondering what on earth it could possibly be NOW. M called and told me that it wasn't exactly going to cost the $400 we were told it would to fix the transmission in his car (which busted the day after mine blew, Seriously.) but it was going to cost $3100. SERIOUSLY?! Because we just have that kind of cash laying around. Seriously. Especially after traveling across the country and buying plane tickets to Alaska. Seriously. The fix it place was more than willing to give us financing, at 12%. SERIOUSLY?! Oh yeah, put those papers on the desk and give me the pen. Silly people. I'll pick up a shift or two at Hooters before I pay 12% interest on anything. Seriously!

T's son J, who is 2, was feeling our stress so I decided to take him out for a walk. I noticed an unusually large number of seagulls out, but didn't think much of it, until we started walking and one started squawking and divebombed our heads. Seriously. I thought it was just a fluke so we just kept walking, but no, the thing did it 4 or 5 more times before the light bulb finally went off that something wasn't right, or that this bird had dug through someones trash and took a hit of their left over booze... or pills... or... whatever. As we headed home the thing kept diving for our heads. I was screaming, J thought it was hilarious and was screaming just like I was. I'm sure we looked like a big bunch of freak shows. Seriously. Thank goodness we made it home without the thing taking out a chunk of my hair, or picking J straight up off the ground with its crazy razor sharp talons. Seriously.

After we got home we realized the stupid thing was protecting something and T finally saw the 3 baby seagulls walking across the driveway. The mama had kicked them out of their nest and was teaching them to live on their own, and in the process was keeping everything away by crapping on them or taking off pieces of their ears. Seriously. I am not exaggerating, at all. Seriously. So for a good 2 hours we ran from the porch and back inside trying to avoid getting our eyes gouged out while still watching the baby birds. Seriously. And it was also pretty entertaining to watch as innocent bystanders had the audacity to actually drive into their driveways and get out of their cars, not knowing that they were about to run screaming and crying into their homes as their lives flashed before their eyes. Seriously.

So then M calls back and told me that the transmission in his car breaking might actually be a good thing (??). Seriously?! You are not getting a new car, sorry. Seriously. But no, he assured me it was actually a good thing because we could pay for the transmission by refinancing the van, at an interest rate that was half of the interest we were paying now (the lowest rate in the past 2 years), which meant we could actually be paying less for our monthly payments. SERIOUSLY!? Sign me up! That is a deal I can handle. And I won't have to go work at Hooters! (And for real, don't even start to lecture me about finances and spending and being responsible with money and blah blah blah. SER.I.OUS.LY.)

Deep down I knew the transmission thing was going to work out so I refused to really stress about it. I was pretty much at that "...whatever..." point. I mean, seriously, what are the odds that the transmissions in both of our cars would need to be completely replaced in the same week? SERIOUSLY! We should start playing the lotto and staying inside during thunderstorms so we don't get struck by lightning. Seriously! Do we have little transmission gnomes living in our cars? Did we make the transmission gods mad? How is that even possible? Seriously.

Even though something good came of the crazy day, it was just seriously thing after thing, bad news after bad news, weirdness after weirdness. By 6pm A had found a cookie and was eating that while sucking down a cup of J's soy milk (which she's allergic to), MJ was in the corner sucking on a dum dum and J was doing only God knows what... Seriously, when did I become mother of the year? T and I finally threw all the kids in bed, did the dishes and sat down for a much needed break, only to realize that we hadn't eaten dinner, at all. Seriously. And what sounded delicious at 10pm? Half price day old donuts from Safeway, of course. Seriously! I'm pretty sure the checker thought I was high and had the munchies as the contents of my cart included the following: 6, half price day old donuts, a bag of ruffles, 2 containers of yogurt, a couple of boxes of candy, blueberries, strawberries and a bag of cherries. Seriously. Nothing like a sugar crash to put me right to sleep. Had to counteract that 5pm cup of coffee somehow. Seriously. It was just that kind of day. Seriously.


EntertainingMom said...

You have left me speechless Jo. No one else does. Seriously!

Lanie said...

Ahh! I hope today is better for you Jo! I would have went for the donuts too!:)

supercommonname said...

Ok, seriously, that is absolutely one of my fears. I would have freaked the shizz out...big time.

And seriously, I like it. It's like the Joanna version of "Really?!!? with Seth and Amy" which has been the SNL highlight for the past couple of years.

Hope the rest of the week is less crazy.

Margaret said...

Seriously, your life sounds way too much like mine. That kind of crap happens to me CONSTANTLY and all I can do is laugh. I don't know why you're up there with your friend but I'm thinking about her and I think you're an awesome friend for being there for her! Can't wait to hear more about your adventures! :)

clanelder said...

I saw Hitchcock's "The Birds" XX years ago and still need therapy!
You can do this! Glad you're with your friend; you're quite a woman!

Joanna said...

jess, is that a good thing, or a bad thing?? LOL!

Liz said...

OH MY! Yeah, well....not much left to say but, "you cannot be serious!" :) Crazy, crazy, craziness...I'm so glad I have you in my life! ;)