Friday, February 20, 2009

i live in a snow globe

It is true. I officially live in a snow globe. A snow globe from hell, that the devil likes to play with when he is bored and needs to get some kicks by torturing the people who live in it. Just when we were seeing signs of spring-- BAM-- we get hit with a 3 week snow storm that will. not. stop. This is not of God. My God would not do this to the people he loves. Godly snow is pretty and melts after a few days, it is inviting and makes you want to go out and play in it. This snow just sucks. It sucks so bad that it won't even stick so you can make a snowman out of it. It just sits there and accumulates.

We do have a few minutes of reprieve here and there but when it isn't snowing, it is freezing. Not like, "oh, it is cold outside" freezing. No, literally FREEZING. 7 degrees, if we are lucky. It is so cold that even the kids refuse to go outside to get in the car. The second I open the door, they simply shake their heads and say no and turn around to get back under their blankets on the couch. "Ice is for penguins, mommy. I am not a penguin." is something I hear on an hourly basis from W. That and, "Snow is for polar bears. I am not a polar bear." He is a smart kid and definitely my beach baby.

I promise you that if this snow lasts much longer, the majority of us stationed here are going to go out of our minds. This should be considered a hardship tour and we should get a heck of a lot more money for living here than we do. I have decided that if you are stationed where we are, you should automatically get Hawaii as your next duty station for a minimum of 3 years. It is really the least they could do for us. My toes are permanently frozen and my skin is so dry that I look like a snake. It is really not attractive and really quite uncomfortable. If I have to be peeling, I'd much rather be peeling from having a sunburn... just sayin.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

psa for oprah's guests

I don't know why Oprah has moved to having her "guests" chat with her via Skype. Has she gone broke? Can she not afford to fly people to her show anymore? I mean, I understand being all "with the times" and stuff, but really? Skype?? It is so annoying to me and I personally can't stand it. The picture quality is horrible, the sound is bad... the only slightly redeeming thing about this new feature of the show is that it can be fun to look at what is in the rooms that the people decide to set up their camera in. People have some pretty weird stuff on their walls... Honestly though, Oprah, is it really necessary to inform us that, "Boaz is joining us today from his kitchen." Um, would there be a giant subzero fridge in any other room? Thanks for making this clear for me. I was wondering what room they were in.

As annoying as all of that is, the number one peeve I have with the overuse of Skype on her show is the position the people place the webcam for their interview. I don't want to look up your nose or at your crotch! DO NOT put your freaking laptop on the coffee table and then sit, most often in a reclined position, on your couch! All I see is stuff that I could have gone my entire life without seeing. It's like someone bending over in front of you of your face while you are sitting down, but way worse. Gross. For real, gross.

How do you not realize that you look a carnival special when the camera is not at the same level as your face? Why not put the laptop on a stack of books and then turn on the camera? Why not put it on a desk and then sit on a low chair? Do you think it is attractive to have the top of your head appear to be 6 inches narrower than your jawline? Do you not see that your hands look like they are 3x the size of your face? It is not aesthetically pleasing!

Here is the PSA of the day: People who join Oprah from their kitchens or living rooms or wherever via Skype, please, for the love of God, position your camera so I don't have to see your family jewels and/or the treasures in your nose. PLEEEEEEEASE! And if you insist on placing your webcam lower than your face, then at least pull your pants down before you sit so there isn't "bunchage" or "pulling" where there really shouldn't be and blow your nose a couple of times before you go live. The rest of the world would greatly appreciate it.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


According to W:

Fish don't talk.

He is a bear, not a horse. Horses have tails and he doesn't have a tail.

The Second Hand on the clock is the one that moves fast. The First Hand is the big one that moves slow. (It took me a couple of seconds to get that one... I had no idea he knew what "first" and "second" even were.)

This kid is really starting to blow my mind. I know kids see the world differently, but it is amazing to actually hear how they see it. This age, despite all of its frustrations, is so much fun! Every day there is something new coming out of his mouth that just amazes me. I love that little brain of his.