Saturday, July 4, 2009

locked n loaded

I have officially reached the point of being done with this pregnancy. Yes, it's early, but my body doesn't seem to think so because it's just rearing to birth these babies. Baby A is locked and loaded and not giving up her coveted "first one out" spot for anything. She's so low that my belly now rests on my lap whenever I sit down. I guess I'm waddling now because a few days ago W came walking into the room like a penguin, with his hands on his hips and hips sticking out, while saying, "Look! I'm walking like mommy!!" Someone needs to teach that kid some manners.

It's gotten to the point where I scare people when I'm in public, especially men. Police officers, construction workers, random guys in the store, the dads who drop their kids off at my kids preschool all seem to freeze when I walk by. Dudes, I promise the babies are not just going to fall out of my body, I'm ok. You aren't going to have to catch anything or see anything gross, I promise. Women just look at me and shake their heads for the most part. I hope most of them are shaking their heads with empathy in their hearts. Although, there was the mother and daughter combo who came around a corner as I was walking by and I saw the daughter's eyes pop out of her head while she whispered (loudly), "OMG! Mom! Did you see her belly?!" To which her mom responded, "Yep, and that is what happens when you have sex, so don't." Let me tell you how happy I am to be a walking advertisement for birth control.

Honestly though, I've really gotten to the passive aggressive point where the comments don't bother me much and I'm starting to have fun with them. My new favorite is when people ask me when I'm due and I stare at them blankly and then act surprised and say, "What? Me? No, I'm not pregnant." and watch em scramble. Or sometimes I'll give them my real due date of 7 weeks from now and laugh on the inside as they desperately try to come up with something to say that won't anger or offend the huge pregnant woman in front of them. For the most part they will say something like, Oh wow! You look fantastic for carrying twins. So, does that mean I would look horrible if I was carrying one baby?

I wish I felt as fantastic as everyone said I looked, really. Ever seen that show on the National Geographic Channel called "The Whale That Exploded"? (Disclaimer: if you haven't seen it, don't. I mean it, don't. You will regret it. It will scar you for life and quite possibly make you lose your appetite for at least a month. And if you are a sushi lover, you'll probably never want to eat sushi again. You will NEVER get the images out of your head, so really, do yourself a favor and DO NOT watch it.) Yeah, I feel like I'm going to explode, like the whale. My uterus is measuring at 43 cms, which in layman's terms means I'm 83 months pregnant. Ok, not really but it feels like it. I can't bend over, I can't get up from the sitting position, my kids have to pull me up when I lay on the couch, which they think is just the funniest thing ever. When I actually get to sleep at night I can't turn over unless I get all the way out of bed and get in again. I want my body back. I want to hold my kids again and carry them around. I miss cuddling them! The only good thing is that since the babies dropped, I can breathe and don't have heartburn anymore. Bright side, there always is one.

I know it is all going to be over soon and I'm really trying hard to savor these last couple of weeks because I will probably never experience something like this again. In fact, this might just be my last entry about this pregnancy, which I'm sure you are all thrilled about. Yay for no more having to hear about Joanna's uterus!! I won't gross you out with the gory details but let's just say that between the position of baby A and all of the contractions and because I am apparently the worst bed rester ever, I'm pretty sure these babies will be here soon. I promise I will update as soon as I possibly can once they are born. Thanks for all of the prayers and support through the course of this pregnancy. It has really meant the world to me.