Monday, January 28, 2008


This weekend I flew to another funeral for another one of M's friends that was killed a couple of weeks ago. It was a really beautiful service and I am so glad I was able to attend to honor his life and bravery. He was an amazing man and he will be greatly missed. It was a short trip, just one day. I flew there at 9 am and got a return flight at 5 pm.

Flying is not one of my favorite things to do, but I seem to do it a lot. I normally have panic attacks and have to distract myself with music or reading and I do a lot of breathing exercises. One thing I have found that always works to distract me is to people watch. I LOVE to people watch. Ask anyone. Give me a seat on a bench in a busy mall or a seat in a busy area of an airport and I will be happy for hours. People are weird and I love to watch their weirdness.

The city that I was flying in and out of was once a popular tourist destination, but has since been replaced by brighter lights and bigger hotels in another city nearby so it's not exactly where the well off go to party. Lets just say there were fanny packs and tapered pants a plenty and that combined with a lot of cheap beer made for prime people watching. Fanny packs aside, there was one woman in particular that really stood out to me. She thought she was aaaaaaaaaaalllll that. And a bag of chips.

This woman was probably in her late 40's and looked like she got in a fight with a BeDazzler and lost. There were more rhinestones and studs on that woman than I have ever seen on one person, even two people, for that matter. She had 4 huge gold rings on both hands, 4 big gold bracelets and a watch on her left arm, her black pants were studded down the sides, she had a studded belt on, her shirt had rhinestones along the collar and sleeve cuffs and even her shoes had stones on them. But lets talk about her glasses because they were the most bedazzling of all. Think: Sylvia Weinstock and add a disco ball. The sides of these HUGE black glasses were completely covered in silver rhinestones. Ah.Maz.Ing.

I first noticed her because I heard her cackle (yes, cackle, not laugh) as she was talking to someone on her phone. I'm just lucky she wasn't sitting under a bright light when I saw her because my eyes needed time to adjust and I surely would have been blinded by all of her embellishments if I had looked straight at her. Her phone in itself would have been enough to blind me, as it too was BeDazzled with bright red rhinestones.

She was talking to one of her friends, who was apparently named "Hun", about how her driver had made her walk 1/2 a block through the rain that morning because he was too stupid to drive through the flooded street to pick her up at her door and how she hoped he wasn't as much of an idiot when he picked her up after she landed. She kept saying "my driver" over and over and over, like she has a personal chauffeur or something. Then she started talking about how she needed to go to the City to do some shopping at the kind of stores most people never go into because they wouldn't even be able to purchase a sock there. She was talking so loud that we could all hear what she was saying and I still haven't figured out if she was doing on purpose or not, to make everyone think that she was totally rich.

There was this huge disconnect though because she couldn't have been that rich. She was flying on Southwest for goodness sake! If I was loaded, that would be the last airline I would be flying on. Even better though was when we landed at our destination, and I was walking to my car, she was in front of me and I saw her "driver" and car. It was one of those airport shuttle vans that costs like $15 each way. Not exactly the Lincoln I was expecting her to get into.

This just reminds me of the time I went to IKEA and was walking next to a couple who brought their pug in on a red velvet pillow. I always wondered why they were shopping at IKEA. That is not where the wealthy tend to shop, and I sure don't know of any middle class American that carries their dog on a red velvet pillow. Maybe that is common though and I don't get out enough to see it?

Maybe these people were really rich and they got rich from saving money by shopping at box stores for their furniture and flying on the crappiest airline known to man. But I really doubt that. I'm going to wage my bets on the fact that they are posers. I won't judge though. Whatever you gotta do to get your kicks is fine by me. Heck, it provides me with tons of entertainment so have at it!

Friday, January 25, 2008


W has a sense of humor, sometimes. Lately the fantastic twos have been clouding his happy spirit so it's often hard to see the light. But when he's cute, he really is cute.

A few days ago we were driving to see his pop-pop and we gave him his firetruck and a sheet of stickers to play with while we were in the car. The fire truck we gave him is one of those little soft plastic tonka's that have faces painted on the front. The sheet of stickers we gave him had a bunch of sports equipment and balls on it.

He got pretty quiet and then started to laugh and when we looked back, he was holding up his truck and saying "eyeballs! eyeballs!" The little joker had placed a ball sticker over each eye that was painted on the truck. Get it?? Eye- Balls? Ah ha ha ha ha!! Ok, well, I think it's funny but I crack myself up all the time!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


1) A big fat tremendous THANK YOU goes out to the State Trooper who didn't give me a speeding ticket even though I totally deserved one. Thank you for being sympathetic and understanding. I swear, I didn't drive more than 73 mph after you pulled me over.

2) Uggs and 2 pairs of ski socks will not keep toes from freezing in -13 degree, and colder, weather.

3) I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my parents don't seem too surprised that I ran their car into a pole... again... for the third time...

4) The dude who does the Oxyclean commercials annoys me.

5) To my fellow Army wives: what can I say? You guys are amazing and I want to thank you for all you do. These past few weeks have been brutal, to say the least, and I'm so thankful that I have you guys to fall on when I need to vent, cry, or be real. Continue to stand strong during this hard time. I miss you all and I'm proud to say you are my friends.

6) To the rest of you: Please continue to support and pray for our troops. Now, more than ever, they need you. This isn't "just" war or politics, it is their reality and their life. They are out there for YOU, dying for YOU, like it or not. They don't need to hear how dissatisfied everyone is with the job they are doing. They need your support. Isn't that the least you can do?

7) I have learned a lot in the past few weeks and I have been forever changed. The events that have occurred hit way to close to home and it is heartbreaking and frightening. My husband, children and I don't have the wonderful pleasure of living in a bubble of denial like the rest of the 99.5% of the population does. So if I seem standoffish or evasive, that's because I don't have time to deal with any BS anymore. I have a life to live and a family to take care of and I'm not going to apologize for it.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

i have a problem (again)

I have recently discovered the wonderful goodness of Hot Tamales. They are amazing. So amazing that I ate 2, 5 pound bags in less than 2 weeks. There is just something about them... something about the combination Carnauba Wax, modified food starch, Red #40 and Blue #2 Lake that just makes my mouth water. I do find it odd that my daughter doesn't react when I eat any of that junk, but she has a reaction to peaches.

These wonderful jewels of gummy spicy delight have become my vice. Some of you have coffee, or wine, or chocolate, I have this. I'm not permitted by my 11 month old diet coach dictator to partake of any of the normal vices. Let me tell you though, I'm so glad I have found these.

But now I have a problem. I believe I have become addicted. As far as I have researched, and I research a lot, there is nothing addicting about Pectin, but I think my body has been deprived of sugar and corn syrup for so long that it's making up for lost time. I ran out of Hot Tamales a few days ago and I started to crave them. Because I was too lazy to go to the store to buy more, I ate healthy stuff again. I tried to curb the cravings with carrot sticks and fruit leather but it didn't work. I NEEDED them. I needed to much on them mindlessly while reading emails or driving. I needed them when I got stressed out and anxious to calm me down. Nothing else would work.

Last night I was out and on my way home, I saw a store and decided that I simply could not make the 28 minute drive without having anything to munch on. It was like my car was driving itself there. I couldn't stop it. I felt like I was sneaking out to buy cigarettes. Not that I know what it feels like to buy cigarettes. Ok, I do. I used to buy them for a few of my roommates all the time. I was an enabler and I liked it. Why did I do it? Because it made them happy and nice and that made my life happy and nice.

I just needed a fix. Just a little bit. So I jumped out of the car and ran into the store, braving the "cold" 39 degrees without a jacket. It took me a few minutes to find the candy aisle, as I had stopped in one of those "upscale" stores that tries to give them impression they are healthy so they hide the junk stuff in the back. Once I found it, it was like an instant calm came over me. I practically ran to the checkout so I could tear into them and then I became self conscious because I felt like people would judge me for only buying 3 boxes of candy. So I got cash back.

Once I was in the car, I took my first bite and it was heaven. Half a box later, I was almost home and almost satisfied. Now, 28 hours later, I'm down two boxes and trying to make the third one last. I have to go to the dentist tomorrow, for reasons completely unrelated to my sugar addiction, so I won't be able to indulge the senses for most of the day. I guess this is a good thing... I bet you can guess what the first I'm going to do once that Novocaine wears off is...

Friday, January 11, 2008

moment of silence

To the 6 amazing men who's lives were lost this week, I thank you for your incredible sacrifice. Thank you for the impact you had on our lives and the lives of those you worked with.

I sit here in tears tonight, thinking of the memories I have of some of you. I will never forget how you made me laugh at those boring @$$ functions we all had to go to and how you interacted with your children. I will always remember what amazing friends you were to each other, how you always had the backs of those you cared about and how you would stand up for what was right, no matter what the cost.

I will pray for your families and your children. I can't even imagine what they are going through right now and my heart goes out to them. I will never understand why this was your time and I will never, ever, forget the sacrifice you have made for us all.

Saturday, January 5, 2008


It hit me today that my baby girl turns one next month. I don't know about you, but after realizing that, it seems like the last year has FLOWN by-- or ZOOOOOMED as W likes to put it. One year, already! I can't even believe it, nor do I want to.

I have to say that she doesn't seem like an almost 1 year old to me. She's still very much a baby but has recently started to grow up a little bit. Even though the past months have been rough with her lack of growing and moving and not sleeping, I have to say I'm a bit happy because she stayed a baby for so long. I don't feel like I missed out on her babyness.

That being said, I'm quite ready for her to grow out of her current size. She's been in size 3-6 month clothes since May. I'm tired of them! At least we've gotten our money's worth out of them... I'm hoping she will move into 6-9 month clothes by the time she hits her first birthday. She's almost there but not quite. The sleeves still cover her fingers and the pants fall right off. But she's --this close--. Sadly, I bought her summer clothes for this coming year on last summer's clearance, when she was growing at a normal pace, and now I realize there's no way she's going to fit into 18 month clothes by summer. I guess she might fit into them when she's 2 though... at least they wouldn't go to waste then! And I guess that means more shopping fun for me once the weather heats up.

While the last 11 months have been more difficult than I ever thought they would be, and my definition of a "good day" has drastically changed, I wouldn't trade it for anything else. Now that we are starting to see her personality, I'm seeing what a sweet little thing she is and I can't help but stare at her constantly because she's just so beautiful and amazing. I don't know why the last 11 months have been so rough but it's probably to prepare me for the future, which scares me. All I can do is pray that she is giving me a hard time now because she's going to be a perfect teenager. One can hope, right?