nostalgic

My babies are almost 1. Sigh. One year ago right now I was in early labor, so tired of contractions and thought my babies would never come. Just 1 year ago... It is almost surreal.

I recently came across an email I sent to some doula friends in the weeks before the girls were born and in it I was completely freaking out about pretty much everything, as usual. Reading it brought back all of those feelings of anxiety and stress and anticipation and fear... I can still feel exactly how I felt during that time. I knew life was going to be different but I really had no idea one year ago just how different it was going to be.

These babies have done something to me. Maybe it's the fact that we went through so much hell for 5 months that I can pretty much handle anything at this point... maybe it's because they have forced me to be organized, who knows, but I feel so much better about life now than I ever have before. There are so many things that I used to stress about that just don't matter anymore. I never would have thought these babies would make me sane. Never. Of course the teething and "oh &$*% she ate something with wheat and now she's going to be up all night screaming" days and endless diapers can wear on me but there is really so much joy in my life it is almost nauseating.

A and MJ are such funny babies. Just recently they have really started to interact with each other. They love to play together, even trading toys when they get bored with what they are playing with. The hold hands while they are in the stroller and while they eat, if you put them close enough. Of course, that is between A stealing bites of food off of MJ's plate. MJ really needs to learn to eat faster, before A takes all of it and she ends up being the runt for the rest of her life.

When MJ wants to get A's attention, she will fake cough and then they will have a complete conversation. No clue as to what they are saying... probably something along the lines of, "holy crap, she had to put another one of these ridiculous bows on us AGAIN?! Does she not see they are literally bigger than our heads? This is annoying. That woman has flipped her lid". And then when MJ gets distracted by a shiny object, A will fake cough to get her attention and they will finish out their conversation.

What is most interesting is that they have no interest in other babies, except for each other. If you put them in front of a mirror, they won't look at their own reflection, they will look directly at each other's reflection. If you put just one of them in front of a mirror, she will look at the person holding her, instead of her reflection. But they do love their brother and sister, that's for sure. They are all smiles when W and CB walk in the room. It is so sweet to watch all of them together... I just hope it lasts...

They both are growing leaps and bounds. Just in the past 2 months they have become mobile and quick. While neither of them are very close to walking, they each have their own unique way of getting around. A crawls like she's swimming. She looks just like she's doing the breaststroke. And MJ crawls like she's been shot and is dragging herself to safety.  She keeps her left arm under her chest and drags her left leg, propelling herself with her right arm and right leg... maybe we should get that checked...

MJ is definitely the jokester, like we've always known she would be. She plays peek-a-boo and loves to make noise and laugh. She has such a good temperament and is generally willing to just hang out. A is more of the diva princess, for sure. She very much prefers for you to do things for her. She'll crawl all the way down the hallway to get to you and then stop 3 feet from where you are and will sit up and SCREAM until you come and get her. She simply cannot be bothered to crawl the rest of the way. She makes me smile.

It has been a long year. One filled with so many ups and downs, laughter and tears, freak outs and realizations, sleepless nights, character building, humbling experiences, and learning... and yet it seems to have gone by in an instant.

They say it takes a village to raise a child and that is really true for us. We would have not made it through this year with our sanity intact if it weren't for our family and friends who have stood by us and at times literally held us up. Those who came and held my babies so I could take a shower, who stopped by or made me go to lunch so I could have some adult interaction, who took care of W and CB so I could make it through the day with the babies, who just sat and listened when I was at my breaking point and who have come to our rescue in time of need have a huge place in my heart. I don't know where we would have been without all of you.

And to my angel-- the wonderful wonderful woman who so graciously and willingly sacrificed so much by taking everything delicious out of her diet to provide milk for my babies so they could thrive when I couldn't do it: I've told you before what that has meant to me but I really can't say it enough. You helped give my babies life and made them grow. Without you they wouldn't have been as happy or healthy and that is something that is truly invaluable to me. What you did was so selfless and amazing, I only wish I could do something half as wonderful for someone one day. You are a true example of kindness and generosity and we are so blessed to know you. Thank you so much for what you did for us and for my babies. It means the world to me.

So here's to another year-- Happy birthday sweet babies. I love you.