Wednesday, February 13, 2008

to my sweet cb

You are now 1. I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing it, but I really cannot believe it has been a year since you came into this world. When you were born, you were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. And I can get away with saying that because your brother wasn't a beautiful baby; he was handsome, and there is a difference. ((Actually, he looked exactly like a smurf when he was born, but we don't have to tell him that))

You still are the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, even if those jerks in the Gap baby photo contest don't agree. Everyone else thinks you are the most beautiful baby too. We are stopped by random people at least twenty times whenever we are out for them to tell us what a perfect little one you are. I'm beginning to think your mutant power is that you can melt even the coldest hearts with your sweet smile and big eyes. Without much effort, you can make the grumpiest old men coo and coddle over you. It's amazing. I guess I would rather have you melt hearts than walk through walls, so that works for me.

Your dad is worried for your future though. He's scared he isn't going to be able to keep the boys away. I'm pretty sure you will be able to hold your own but he doesn't believe that. He's always talking about his plan to make sure no boy ever touches you. I'm not really sure what that plan is though... I tend to tune out as soon as I hear phrases that contain "M16" and "scare him a little bit". I really don't think you will have any problem fighting the boys away because as sweet as you are, you really do know how to assert yourself and you are very selective about who you let into your life.

You have never had any problem letting me know what you want and don't want. You spent four straight months screaming at me not to feed you certain things. If only I had listened, life would have been so much easier. If I had figured out that you had such food issues earlier, we could have avoided giving you 1.5 mL of 7% alcohol two times a day from the time you were 9 weeks old because we thought you had reflux. That actually could be one of the reasons why your dad worries for your future. You took those meds like a sorority girl taking a shot of tequila and didn't even cry for a chaser. Too bad it didn't even help you sleep better.

I had no idea a baby could live on 6 total hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. I also didn't know that babies existed who wouldn't go 10 waking minutes without crying. You were exhausting, really. It wasn't your fault and I will never blame you, but my goodness! I have no idea how we survived. I really, really don't. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and that scares the crap out of me. I don't know what is in our future that we need to be stronger for. Those months were the hardest of my entire life and I can't even imagine any more months that could be harder. I don't even want to try to imagine what could be worse than those months.

After I figured out what it was that was bothering you, you became a different baby. I got my sweet little baby back and we got our lives back. I will never forget the first night you slept more than 2 hours at a time. I actually got to dream. I hadn't had a dream in ages because I was never able to get into a deep enough sleep. You always had this sixth sense and would wake up exactly 3 minutes after I would crawl into bed. I'm so glad you have lost that sense. I'm so glad that you will now sleep up to 6 hours at a time. I don't care if you don't sleep through the night yet. You clearly aren't ready to and that is fine. I won't make you or try to force you to.

You do everything in your own time, just like your mama. This is glaringly clear given the fact that you didn't roll over until 2 weeks after you started crawling. I'm glad I know this about you now and can accept it because I think that will help avoid some friction as you grow up. If I ever forget it, I'm sure you will quickly remind me because that is just how you are.

I wouldn't trade you in for anything, even with all the hard times and giving up coffee. You are worth it. You have taught me so much about myself in the past year. I am stronger than I thought I was, I have more willpower than I thought I did, and you have taught me that I am a damn good mother, despite what the "others" say. You make me smile and I love to watch you grow and learn. I look forward to seeing what adventures you bring us in the coming years. I look forward to watching you and your brother grow up together and I look forward to the day that your daddy comes home and you get to know him again. You are a daddy's girl at heart and I know you two are going to be close. Even if he seems a bit crazy, it's because he's crazy over you and only wants the best for his baby girl.

I hope and pray that the next year is better for us and that you continue to get healthy. You are doing better now, but I know everyone would like to see your body catch up with your head. There's nothing really wrong with having your weight be below the 3rd percentile and your head above the 95th percentile, but at some point, it's gonna be a problem. I'm already having a hard time getting your shirts over your head. Good thing summer is coming and you can wear dresses with large neck holes.

3 comments:

Ginny said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CB!

YOur letter to her made a teary eyed and giggle!

- Ginny

Margaret said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEET GIRL!!! Your letter made me tear up and giggle, too!!! :) She sure is one beautiful baby, big head or not!

clanelder said...

Thank you for sharing your letter to your beautiful baby girl! She is blessed to have you for a Mother!