well, that was fun

And by fun, I mean completely pointless. Today I had to take CB to the allergist. I didn't really want to go in the first place because I already knew exactly what was going to happen, and I knew it was going to be a waste of time. But we made the 45 minute trip anyway. When we got in the office, we went through the requisite badgering from the receptionist about how my referral wasn't complete and how my insurance wasn't going to cover any testing and --sigh-- she was going to have to actually get on the phone and talk to an insurance representative to get this figured out. I offered to call myself but --sigh-- she said she would do it. It was her job, after all. Blah blah blah. Kiss mine.

Then we got called back into the room and the nurse was walking so fast in front of us that I lost sight of her and didn't know where to go. After peeking into at least 12 doors, I finally found her and she had the nerve to ask me what took me so long. Well, I don't know, perhaps my choice of shoes (3 inch wedges) and the fact that I was carrying a 20 pound diaper bag and a 14 pound baby had something to do with it? Sorry I couldn't keep up with your caffeine and diet pill filled body.

After the normal, "sit here and the doctor will be in shortly" speech, I got to wait. And wait. And wait. All while the doctor was right outside my door talking to his colleague about the cocktail party he was going to attend tonight and how he was only going to have one glass of wine and a few appetizers. And then the colleague asked if the doctor was going to bring his wife... and the doctor quickly replied, "no, she thinks I'm working late". So he either hates her or he's doing the hipity dipity with someone on the side. Perhaps the fen-phen addicted nurse?

Finally he comes in and sits down. He was clearly in a hurry because while I was answering every question he asked, he would interrupt me and ask another question that didn't even have to do with what I was saying. After getting to month 5 of CB's history, he completely cut me off. I knew we were boring, but I didn't realize just how uninteresting we really were. As he was walking out of the room, I quickly spat out the history from month 5 to month 8, which I thought he should know because they were the most crucial. But apparently, it doesn't matter that she can't keep down any solid foods and that if I eat anything with any kind of dairy, she screams and cries for 3 straight days because, "that sounds like a GI problem".

After he left, Miss Fen-phen USA came back in the room with a tray of 40 pins and magic potions to stick in my daughter's back. Apparently, the receptionist found the energy to get up and call the insurance company to be sure the testing was approved. After poking CB in the back 40 times, the nurse left the room, as CB was hysterical, and said "be sure you keep her on her stomach for the next 20 minutes and don't touch her back". Um, that's information that would have been useful before you turned her into a dart board. Thanks, though.

So for 15 minutes, I tried to keep my irate child on her stomach while trying to console her without touching her back. Let me explain something: my daughter HATES to be on her stomach. She flat our refuses it. This is the reason why she doesn't roll and why she doesn't even attempt to crawl. She finally got so tired from screaming so hard that she fell asleep. It broke my heart to see her so upset and I seriously regretted even going.

When the nurse came back in to check her back for any reactions, which there weren't any, which I knew there wouldn't be, she wiped her back down with alcohol. Wouldn't you think that putting rubbing alcohol into an open wound would hurt? Yeah, it did. And the screaming began again.

Then the doctor came back in to tell me the obvious, which was that she doesn't have any of the type of allergies that can be diagnosed with tests, but she might have allergies that can't be diagnosed with testing. So I either needed to put her on the $2.10 per every 5 ounce bottle of formula or keep up with the elimination diet. He didn't seem very optimistic about me continuing on the elimination diet because it apparently makes my life too difficult. I guess no one believes me that it doesn't bother me too much now because I'm used to it and the results are pretty awesome. Baby is less fussy and actually sleeping, I haven't had a headache or a stomach ache in almost a month and I'm well on my way to looking like a Justin Timberlake era Britney Spears. Although, admittedly, there are times that I would just like a bite of chocolate or something with red dye #2 in it. Those are the times that I nibble on my rice crackers and imagine they are something delectable.

Anyway, we left with no more information than we came with and 40 pen marks and pin pricks on the baby's back. It was a pretty pointless day that will cost the insurance more than it should. I knew it was going to happen this way but went because I feel like we need to cover all our bases, just to be sure. I guess I will just have to take my traveling circus elsewhere to get some answers.