you're a mean one, mr. grinch...

I've decided that the older you get, the less fun Christmas time becomes. Last year was the first year I've actually dreaded the Christmas season. I think that had something to do with the fact that I had just moved to Germany and I was very pregnant with CB. We had decided we weren't going to do anything for Christmas, which would save us a lot of money and W would never know the difference. But on Dec 23, I realized that it was cruel to deny W the joy of tearing open presents and subsequently spending hours playing with the remnants, so we went and bought W a wooden puzzle and a toy truck. But then we got home and I realized that I didn't have any kind of wrapping paper in the house, so I gave myself an A for effort and called it good. At least I put up a tree... too bad I got sick of dealing with it and took it down the day after Christmas.

This year, I'm just not feeling it, even more so than last year. Could be because I'm so swamped with everything else or it could be because part of my family is missing. I don't think it's very fair for us to be celebrating and having a good time while he's so far away and not able to celebrate at all. Plus it's just not the same without him being around. Honestly though, I'm not sure how I know it's not the same, because I have no basis of comparison to know what a normal Christmas would be. He's been gone for 2 of the 4 Christmas seasons we've been together and I don't count last year as a real Christmas because it was such a bust. It's good to know that he's being fair to the kids and missing both of their first Christmases.

I'm happy to say that I no longer get nauseous when I hear a Christmas song like I did earlier this month. Either I'm getting desensitized or my frigid heart is thawing. I haven't had the urge to hurt people while shopping, which is always a plus. I don't dare go out during peak hours though. Someone would end up in jail.

I'll do Christmas for the kids. W is at the age where he totally digs Baby Jesus, presents, trees with lights on them and Santa, as long as Santa is on the first floor of the mall and W is on the second floor of the mall. CB doesn't care about Christmas, I don't think. As long as she has paper to eat, she's good to go. She certainly doesn't like Santa either. Her picture with Santa includes a pouty lip and tears, and me flying by as I threw her in Santa's lap and ran while screaming "TAKE THE PICTURE!!"

I think I know what I'm going to get W this year but have no clue what to get for CB. She doesn't really show a preference for anything. Like I told my friend T tonight, she judges everything equally. People keep asking me what I want for Christmas and I don't know the answer. I haven't even had a chance to think about it. I should probably sit down and do that sometime soon considering there are only 11 shopping days left... I guess the only really great thing about this Christmas season is that I'm not going to have to worry about losing those pesky holiday pounds!! Rock on for me!