Monday, December 3, 2007

progress report

I know I probably shouldn't feel that bad about not updating this, as all of my friends who have blogs have been serious slackers when it comes to updating theirs, but I do feel bad. They probably have great excuses like being busy with important things such as Christmas shopping and spreading holiday cheer, two things I have absolutely no interest in doing this year, but I don't have any excuse, really. I don't even know what I do all day anymore. It's pretty much just one big blur from 6 am to midnight.

I know I've been busy running around the metropolitan areas trying to get supplies for my budding business venture. I also know that I've managed to spend a lot of money on gas these past few weeks with all the driving I've done. Not that it's that hard to spend money on gas these days. I know I've been reading a lot and researching tons so I can be good at what I do. I thought I had been doing a good job of keeping in contact with my friends, but then I got an email from my best friend T "gently" reminding me that she had sent me an email like 4 days ago and I still hadn't replied. I'm pretty sure her exact words were "U Butt! oh my gaw! you are the worst person to get a hold of. has anyone ever told you that?". Man, I miss that chick more than words can say. She is the only person on this earth who can say that to me without me waving my finger and going all "FIRST OF ALL" on her. I was sure I had emailed her back, because deep down I really am a good friend, but then I looked at my inbox and realized that I had about 14 emails from the past week that I had read, but never responded to. That could have something to do with the fact that the only time I am getting online these days to do "fun" stuff is when I'm feeding the baby and I can't really type well with 1 hand. Goodness, I need my Boppy. Too bad I'm too cheap to go buy another one.

It's not just the personal stuff that's keeping me busy. The kids are pretty much out of control these days. W has decided that I must hold him at all times all day and CB has decided that she is going to get her fiber intake from eating little invisible specks of something in the carpet and paper. Lots of paper. I try to keep it away from her but her brother thinks it's funny when he gives it to her and I start to yell. Then I get mad at him for him thinking it's funny and then he throws things. Because that is what you do when you are angry. You throw whatever you can, even if you have to rip the pacifier from your own mouth, just to launch it to prove your point. He's such an activist. Actually I should give him some credit because today, he got angry at me and went to toss his little IKEA chair that's part of his table set across the room, but he realized he would get in big fat trouble if he did that. So he stopped himself and proceeded to gently put the chair down and turn it on its side. Then he did the same with the other one, turned to look at me, smiled, and walked away. I'm doomed.

Retrospectively (is that even a word?), I guess I have been busy and will probably stay this busy until I manage to pull my head out of my butt and get things clear and organized. Who knows when, and if, that will ever happen. I keep saying things will get better. They were supposed to get better when we moved back to CA, then they were supposed to get better once we got settled, then it was Halloween, then it was Thanksgiving and now it's going to get better once Christmas (that I don't even want to do) is over. Maybe there is a light at the end of this crazy spiraling vortex.


clanelder said...

So, help me understand how "NO EXPECTATIONS" expects to get organized! First, consider your family genes - at least the half I know about. You may be in a self-defeating mode if you are trying to override those through sheer mental willpower! Won't happen!
So, duck when things fly through the air, smile when they don't - (especially when the "they" is chairs!), and breathe. The best coping mechanism I ever learned was years ago when I was a birth coach....BREATHE!!! See, you're on the right path! AND, I'm really proud of you!

(fairy) Godmother said...

not to worry we are all slackers in the blog arena these days!