welcome to reality

W has decided he hates shopping. Flat out will not go, not even if he is bribed. It doesn't matter if I feed him 14 seconds before we walk in the door, the kid will NOT be happy. I could throw him food and toys the entire time we are in there, let him walk instead of being in the cart or stroller and pick the food out with me or tell him I'll let him push the buttons when we pay, which he looooves to do and sadly does so much that he has my pin number memorized, but nothing works. I don't have a choice, I have to take him so I end up with a screaming monster as I tear through the aisles, trying to get everything as fast as I possibly can to minimize the time he has to spend in the torture chamber.

Typically I go early, when there aren't many people around. When there are people around I normally get the sympathetic looks from moms who are dealing with fits like I am or older people who have been there before and remember what it's like. But then there are always the people who look at me like I have just brought a rabid monkey in the store. Which, honestly, he can come close to being but whatever.

Then there are the moms who as soon as they see you struggling with your child who hates every thing, decide that they are the best mother ever and are going to prove it to you and everyone around them while totally judging you and praying that their kid doesn't turn out like your brat. So they put on this super sappy voice and talk to their kids in calm, even tones, telling them "no" so sweetly you want to go hurl in the banana display. Even though 5 minutes earlier you saw this mom yelling at her kid because he wouldn't do something she wanted him to do. Bite me, biotch. For real. Bite me.

You aren't perfect. Don't act like it. Even if your kid were perfect (now), there are probably a thousand things that you do that you could, and should, be judged for. But do I judge you? No. Why? Because A) I don't have the kind of energy to care that much about you to judge you B) We are all in the same boat right now and really, unless you are beating your kids or putting them directly in harm's way I have no reason to judge because I am not above you in any way and C) I know that when your child turns 3 and subsequently loses the ability to express any emotion besides "kinda happy" and "completely out of his freaking mind", you will be in my shoes and you will be kicking yourself for thinking you were better than me.

Sometimes karma doesn't take so long to come around though. Last time this happened to me, the woman was behind me for most of our shopping trip, telling her son he was being such a good boy, unlike that boy in front of them (my W). Over and over I heard this and kept biting my tongue. Then we got to the check out line and had to wait awhile. The other mom came and waited to check out behind us and the revolt began. Her kid wanted something on the shelf and the mom said no, which triggered a fit so much worse than W's that I had to laugh. Even W stopped and was like, DANG! That kid is nuts! This kid would not stop and the mom was trying everything and suddenly that cocky, super sappy, calm tone she had 3 minutes earlier was long gone. Then the bomb dropped, literally. The kid launched his sippy cup of milk and it exploded on impact, showering milk all over her $300 boots and the person next to her. That is what you get for thinking you are so awesome and above everything. Ha! It sucks when reality slaps you in the face, doesn't it?