Thursday, June 18, 2009

fyi:

My uterus, the contents of it and the potential contents of it are not up for discussion, comprende? Contrary to what you may think, it is not polite or even socially acceptable for you to ask a woman, pregnant or not, if she is going to get her tubes tied. It is not nice to ask, "just how many of those are you are planning on popping out?" when talking to a pregnant woman, especially one who is carrying multiples. I'm not going to "pop out" anything, thankyouverymuch. For the record, I'm planning on having approximately 17,000 children, just to spite you.

It is not a good idea to tell a pregnant woman, as she is walking into Starbucks, that caffeine is not good for the baby. Yeah? Well my fist isn't good for your face either. Why, why, why would you purposely put yourself in harm's way? I'll claim self defense when they arrest me for making it so your nose touches your left ear. You were harassing me. For all you know, I am walking into Starbucks because I have a wicked hankering for an overpriced pastry. Don't judge me! Maybe I was up all night with back pain and leg cramps and bathroom trips and my Grande Iced Toffee Nut Latte is the one freaking thing I had to look forward to all day and now you just ruined it. BITE ME.

And as I'm lumbering my not so graceful body out of my van, do not whistle at me. That isn't nice. I know that's not a, "DANG! You are so hot and I want you to have all of my babies", whistle. That whistle was a, "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG! Should I call 911 right now because you look like you are going to DIE?", whistle and it was rude. Now beat it.

When I say I'm huge and look like I'm "ready to pop" because I'm having twins, don't ask me why I want to have twins, or choose to have twins when I already have 2 kids under the age of 4. Don't roll your eyes and tell me that it's better me than you or that I'm going to have my hands full. I know this. I know I am completely blessed to be having these babies, and even with all the pain and grossness of this pregnancy, I wouldn't trade it for the world but I didn't choose to have twins. I didn't ask to have twins. It wasn't like I got down on my knees and prayed to God every night, "Lord, please impregnate me with twins because my life isn't stressful and challenging enough. Please give me twins because I am so completely enamored with the first 8 months of life after my babies are born, breastfeeding issues, sleep deprivation, postpartum depression and all, that I think it would be so awesome to do all of that, times 2." No. That is not how it went. I didn't ask to have twins, didn't choose to have twins, I was blessed with them. It was out of my hands and thank goodness it was because while I would have never chosen this, I am so, SO incredibly happy that we are here right now.

At the same time, don't ask me if they are natural. All babies are natural. Have you ever seen an "unnatural" baby? Let me know if you have, because I'd like to see that too. Yes, of course they are "natural". Do you mean, are they spontaneous? Are you asking how they were conceived? Does it really matter? Thank you for not being like the lady in the waiting room who wanted all of the details about how these babies were conceived, time frames, positioning and more, but I'm still not going to get into it with you. I don't even know you.

I understand that people are interested in pregnancy and want to enjoy it with me, but there is a line that is quickly crossed between genuinely caring and downright rude and judgmental. For the most part, people just jump right over that line and dive head first into the rude and judgmental pool. Yes, I am much more sensitive than I normally am, but really, just keep your mouths shut people. The world, at least my world, will be a much happier place. And as long as mama's happy...

18 comments:

Nathanael said...

I love our family. We're so honest. People call me negative, I just say that I'm honest.

Joelle said...

A-freaking-MEN

Eeyorebabies said...

I have been laughing at this entry so hard. I can totally relate! The best parts are when they ask specifically about the uterus and ovaries. Then the dumb comments keep on coming after they are born. The old ones continue, but more stupid ones add to it. Like for my boy/girl twins I got asked all the time if they are identical...uhhhhh. I was told before the babies were even here that I would need a nanny by some random stranger in the store. DH deployed and I was by myself from the time they were 8 months to 20 months old. Didn't use a nanny and we all survived. Don't be surprised when people start reaching out and trying to touch the babies after they are born. Random people on the street with who kows what on their hands touching the babies face. OY, it's a fun ride! Hang in there, all mults moms can relate. Feel free to start posting over at the Raising Multiples board on iVillage. They have all kinds of rants similar to this :D It's quite commical.
eeyorebabies
Amber

Anonymous said...

LOL, it only gets better;) Keep a journal of the comments, carry it around and record them as they happen! Show the ignorant person all the other dumb comments or better yet show them the tick mark you just put by the cliche they just said!

It does get easier. Tip from a twin mommy, DO NOT dress them alike. After they are out of the infant carriers this helps keeps you below the stupidar;)

Hope all is going well.

TJ from the Feb 07 board, mommy to Oscar and Titus.

I heart said...

Haha You crack me up!! You truly are blessed with all of your precious babies! I cannot wait to "meet" the twins! And you just waddle your ass in to Starbucks and smack the next person that says something about your latte! hahaha

Hilary said...

Seriously, what is wrong with people??

Also, this was my favorite part: Have you ever seen an "unnatural" baby? Let me know if you have, because I'd like to see that too.

HAHAHA!!!

The Smith Family said...

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, Jo. Crazy people. Even though I've never been preggo with twins, I get sooo huge when pregnant that I was constantly asked how MANY babies...got the "dang, she's gonna blow"...and every other rude comment in the book. U.G.H....bask in your glorious pregnant beauty, and I'm so excited for your upcoming BLESSINGS...and we'll be here for you every minute of those first eight months! :)

Michele said...

LOL, Jo! I'm so, so sorry people are being asshats to you now. Isn't if funny (read: disturbing) how people will say and do things to a pregnant woman that they wouldn't DARE do if said woman wasn't pregnant? I've always found that curious (read: disturbing).

Like Eeyorebabies, your entry cracked me up throughout the whole post. Hold onto your humor...it'll help. Some.

But then again, so will punching someone, and probably be more satisfactory. :D

supercommonname said...

I flippin' love you man. and i got your back if you need to beat the morons at the starbucks.

Anonymous said...

I'm so used to lurking, I totally forgot I could comment! ;D

Since I already shared the stupidity of others in regards to Twins back when you first told me - I'll just say "hang in there, chickie"! :D

RE: "un-natural babies". Well, you know how mine got here...They USED to seem fairly normal to me.
NOW,however, we are going thru Pre-puberty. If their heads actually DO spin around backwards and they start levitating( which seems like it might happen any time now...) - I'll send you pics!!! :D

Miss You!

Chelle

clanelder said...

Love it. Love you. Love them. I'll treat to Starbuck's any time.

I'm No Heroine said...

Ironically, it works the same way for those of us who do not have children. "You don't have children, whhhyyyy?" People are super judgemental and don't know when to not be stupid. Sorry for your experience :).

Anonymous said...

How did you so accurately express how millions of other pregnant women feel when walking into Starbucks... I do. not. judge. you. :) Thanks for making me laugh hard.
Love, Ruth

Jenn said...

Oh honey. I SO feel your pain. People are stupid. (And if I get asked, "Do you babysit?" one more time, I'm going to lose it completely). Enjoy your latte.

EntertainingMom said...

I used to have a glass of red wine on occasion when I was pg. On occasion (not everyday!) and this was OK'd by my OB. Talk about the glares I got. (It's good for the uterus, calms it actually, so there!)I was also OK'd to have some coffee. Not only do people need to learn to shut up but they also need to lighten the F up...

As always Mad JoJo stories have me howling out loud!

You should totally write a column in a magazine!

Lindsay said...

hey! so you need to let me know what you want as far as clothes....im having a boy!

Margaret said...

oh my gosh, jo, you crack me up!!! i seriously laughed out loud at most of this blog post. why do people think they can say whatever they are thinking to a pregnant woman???? i was at the grocery store the other day with grayson and the checkout girl asked me the gender of the baby. when i told her it was a boy she GASPED, and said, "oh lord! you ain't got no girls????". she was relieved when i told her that yes, i also have a daughter, but i couldn't believe she would actually say that to somebody!

mommy-medic said...

dont you just love how your body becomes public domain when you get the baby bump? good luck lady. (Giggling!! you have your hadns full!) Bwahahaha. Couldn't resist. :D