still here...

These past 2 weeks have been pretty rough. I will admit that I pushed myself a little too hard over the past month and now it has come back to bite me in the butt. Lesson learned! I won't do it again.

I spent the better part of the last week in bed because all I wanted to do was throw up (again). My drug peddling doctor requested that I go on some kind of anti nausea medication so I could eat more and I obliged, knowing full well that it wouldn't do anything for me but that I would give it my best effort. After spending Saturday practically in tears from being so nauseous, I broke down and took a magical Zofran on Sunday. And all it did was make me drowsy and give me a headache. So incredibly anti climatic. The way he was talking about the drug made me expect the waters to part and rainbows and sunshine to appear. Instead, I was then nauseous and stoned and that is not a fun, nor attractive, combination. We had gone to church that morning because I thought I would be feeling better which ended up being a very bad decision. Never in my life did I ever think I would have to contemplate just how sacrilegious it would be if 1) I didn't take communion for fear of losing it all over the person in front of me and 2) if I did take communion and then ended up throwing it up all over the person in front of me.

It's no secret that this pregnancy has been extraordinarily difficult, much much more than either of the other 2. From the throwing up and fatigue to the extreme itching and the shots... Oh, the shots. You would think that at 24 weeks this mess would be under control but I fear we are getting back to the level of suckiness that was the first trimester. Although, now I have the added aches and pains of what someone normally experiences in the third trimester too, as my uterus (She said uterus!!) is measuring like it would for someone who was 10-12 weeks farther along than I am, depending on how the babies are positioned. Pretty sure the ground has started to shake under me when I walk...

Last week I went to Motherhood to pick up a couple of shirts. No surprise that mine are getting a bit too short. When I shop, I don't want to be bothered. If I need something, I'll ask, but these chicks at Motherhood literally have a script that they rotate every day to get people to buy more crap, and they accost you the second you walk in the door. The first time I went in, the chick asked me if I had my bag packed. I looked at her like what the heck kind of bag are you talking about? Are you making a joke? I know my purse is huge, it is called a "weekend tote" afterall... When I inquired as to what bag she was talking about, she said, "your hospital bag!" Mama, no. I have 17 more weeks until I hit 40 weeks, I haven't even started thinking about my hospital bag. Blink, blink. Yeah, that'll shut you up. The next time I went in the sales chick asked me if I needed any stretch mark cream. Really? Do they not realize just how insulting that is? I know I am huge. I don't need it reinforced by some 19 year old who has never been pregnant, let alone could possibly understand just what your body goes through when you are pregnant. Besides that, I am so far past stretch mark cream it isn't even funny! I could spread straight Crisco on my belly 3 times a day until these babies are born and it wouldn't make a difference.

I know I am blessed to be pregnant with these baby girls. Despite everything, I thank God everyday that they are healthy and growing and that we haven't had any serious issues. The reality of being 24 weeks pregnant with twins is starting to hit though. Up until this point my thoughts have been focused on trying to get over the shock of being pregnant twins and getting through the pregnancy. Now, my focus is starting to shift and I'm realizing that we are going to have 2 new, very tiny babies sometime in the next 6- 13 weeks. Um, yeah. I got lotsa crap to do (like pack my hospital bag) and not so much time to do it. All I can say is thank goodness for online shopping. And when you see on the news that consumer confidence rose again in May and that retail sales were up, you can thank me personally. I do what I can.

culture shock

We have been back in the States for a week now. Actually, a week exactly as I am writing this. It has been a whirlwind of a week and I haven't had much of a chance to communicate with the outside world so I will try to catch up now.

The trip over was amazingly smooth. I didn't even feel stressed as we were leaving for the airport. The kids did remarkably well on the flight although poor M got a workout as he rocked CB in the back of the plane for a couple of hours to keep her asleep. W was a champ, as usual, and only took a couple of days to adjust to the time change.

I, however, am having a harder time adjusting to the time difference. It's not the jetlag that is killing me, but the fact that I now wake up after my friends in the States, instead of before them. I am so used to waking up to "yesterday's" emails and messages and not "today's". Not to mention that I don't have to wait until 6pm to call businesses on the West Coast. I have to admit that I've been slacking off because I keep thinking, "I can do it tonight", but by the time tonight rolls around, everything is closed and everyone is sleeping.

We have been quite productive this week though. Highlights include: 2 trips to IKEA (and no fighting), getting my iPhone and trying to figure the darn thing out, a 2 hour drive to get our insurance set up, multiple trips to Target, Whole Foods, the mall, getting about 7 inches cut off my hair and having it colored for the first time in 3 years, a trip to the Aquarium for the kids and a fantastic dinner at the best fish market on earth, taking M back to the airport and saying goodbye to him until he comes back in a couple of months, going to a birthday party and doing more shopping, doing Easter Sunday and then finally unpacking our 8 suitcases today. It is no wonder that I am beat and itch like crazy.

I am not used to this lifestyle. I am not used to all of the shopping and socializing and being busy. In Germany, we live in a quiet little bubble and go out 3 times a week. I can go 2-3 days without talking to anyone but the kids and my husband. Not here. It is NON STOP here. There is always something to do, something to look at, money to spend. I have to say that I am dealing with some serious culture shock! Stupid things, like billboards, are incredibly distracting and frustrating to me now. You don't see billboards in Germany, and if you do, they are small, not 5,000 feet wide and lit with enough lights to light the block. Traffic, and stop lights. Seriously! How many stop lights do there have to be within 4 blocks? And what is up with the people here? Have people just gotten more rude and self centered or am I just really cranky? It is just all too much, too much stuff, too much trash, too many people talking to themselves on their bluetooths...

It is going to take a lot of adjusting to get used to life here again. I've only been gone for 6 months, but it feels different coming back this time. Maybe it is because I know that our time in Germany is up, and we won't be going back. I will really miss living in Germany but I am happy to be back in America, despite my wicked case of culture shock. We just need a chance to get settled and into a routine... and by the time we do that, the twins will be here and EVERYTHING will change, again. Good times!

ooh baby baby

It is official. I am really officially, noticeably and uncomfortably pregnant. I'm hormonal, itchy like I was attacked by a swarm of Mississippi mosquitoes in the middle of August, irritable like you wouldn't believe and pretty sure that I am driving those who are forced to be around me to drink.

I have all of these good intentions, like I'm going to start eating healthier and exercise a little... maybe actually start doing the prenatal yoga program I did so faithfully from the day I saw 2 pink lines when I was pregnant with W and CB. Unfortunately, good intentions are about as far as I'm going to get. There has to be some kind of nutritional value in onion rings and Dr. Pepper, right? And I'm sure I get plenty of exercise when I walk to and from the car and up and down the stairs (at least it sure feels like I have run a mile and a half after I walk up 15 stairs)... and really, these days, just putting on my shoes requires some serious yoga like action, so I'm good there.

A few nights ago it occurred to me that I am essentially gestating a 2 headed octopus. This came as I had 4 feet in my ribs, a head in my bladder, one in my pelvis and 2 elbows in my kidney, while the other baby was literally punching me in the butt. I know they are fighting for space, but if they could possibly do it without trying to decimate what is left of my internal organs, I'd be a little bit grateful.

These kids are getting big, very big, and it shows. My belly enters the room before I do now and it has gotten to the point where I have to constantly check for crumbs and spillage down the front of my shirts. Before all of the mess would just fall into my lap. Now, with my protruding belly button and mountain of a belly, food has to go through a fun little obstacle course before it can fall in my lap which causes all kinds of awesome stains. Let's just say that Oxyclean spray n wash stuff is really quite amazing.



As of a couple of days ago, both babies were measuring a week ahead and their heads were measuring 2 weeks ahead, hence the uterus that is measuring over 28 weeks. Lord have mercy. I'm gonna need it.



As they have started moving more, I have really gotten to "know" their personalities. We've always known that baby A was the more quiet one, as I've been feeling baby B move for almost 7 weeks now. Baby A has always just taken it slow and has NEVER shown us a face, only a back, or a hand or the top of the head. We've only seen one profile shot of baby A and that was at 12 weeks and most likely a fluke. Baby B, however, is much less shy. This baby is always dominating the ultrasound screen and will gladly give us a show, or the finger, as seen in this lovely shot from the ultrasound we had earlier this week.



Baby B also has a sweet side, thank goodness. We were actually able to get some 3-d pictures for the first time and played a fun little game of peek a boo. I still think that 3-d ultrasound pictures are incredibly freaky looking, almost as freaky looking as regular ultrasound pictures, but this one is pretty cute:



We were incredibly blessed at our last appointment, which sadly was our last appointment here in Germany. My doctor, who is awesome, spent a good 30 minutes checking the babies and letting us get a good look at them, or what we could of baby A, which was mostly a spine. For weeks we have been trying to determine their genders, but haven't been able to get any good shots of the gender region to be able to tell conclusively what they are. This time I begged him to look extra hard. I can only take 1300 pounds of stuff with me to CA and I have about 500 pounds of boy clothes here in Germany. So, I don't want to take boy clothes and then end up not needing them...

And it looks like we won't be needing the boy clothes, which makes my packing a whole lot easier. I can't even believe it. I don't think I will believe it until they are here. I honestly won't be surprised if at least one of them pops out and is a boy. I don't know why, because I don't have any reason to think this way. In all of our ultrasounds, we've never really seen anything that resembles any boy parts, but I still can't believe that there are 2 girls in there. Thankfully, all of CB's baby clothes are still in CA, but 2 girls are going to require a lot more clothes than we have, so I'm going to need to do some serious shopping.

However, I'm not going to go too crazy until I know, for sure, with 100% proof, that we are in fact going to be picking out 2 girl names, paying for 3 weddings, dealing with 3 teenage girls and their hormones, paying for Jujutsu lessons for W to be able to kick some serious wannabe punk rocker/ emo/ jock boyfriend butt, thanking God every day that M is a Ranger and knows fun tactical maneuvers and how to shoot a big gun, and being surrounded by pink and princesses for the next umpteen years.

breaking news

Well, it seems that we are finally getting what we wanted, just not how we wanted it or when we wanted it or as smoothly as we wanted it, but we rarely ever get what we want in life anyway, right?

We have known our time in Germany was coming to a close for awhile, but we just didn't know when it would be. Originally, we were supposed to stay here until November. Then we were told July, then we were told March and then July again. After we found out we were having twins, we knew we needed to have a concrete moving date because you can't exactly just fly across the world when you are 36 weeks pregnant with twins like you can when you are pregnant with 1 baby. During the height of my all day sickness in late January, we were told that we needed to move back to the States in March, giving me about 3 weeks to get the house ready to be packed and because we have to move again 5 months after we move to the States, we would be moving again about 2 days after my due date. That wasn't going to work. So we moved heaven and earth to try to get a different move date.

After tons of paperwork and way too much drama, we finally did get a different date date, and even the date we wanted. So here is the plan: The kids and I are moving back to the States in about 3 weeks. We will go back to CA and stay with my parents until after the twins are born and after M is done with this next assignment next year.

Before everyone starts speculating and talking, let me explain a few things, just to squash the inevitable rumors:

1) Our marriage is not in trouble. We are just fine, I promise. There's no need to send us inspirational emails or books on marriage. Yes, we are making a choice to be separated, but we aren't separated.

2) We are doing this purely because of logistics. M can't leave Germany until June and by then, I'll either be way too pregnant to move, in any sense of the word, or worst case, I could be holding my 2 precious babies instead of gestating them. I can't fly past the end of April, given my history of preterm labor and (EARMUFFS, boys!) early dilation, so I need to go now. I don't want to spend 2 months alone at M's next assignment with 2 kids, waiting for him to get there, so that is why we are going to CA.

3) CA is our best option for numerous reasons. The kids have a fantastic doctor there, there is a team of specialists who know and understand our history of GI problems should one or both of these babies have the same problems, W loves the preschool there and I'm sure CB will too, and can we say LIVE IN HELP?! Um, yeah. There you go.

4) This decision did not come lightly or on a whim. We have talked about this and agonized over it since the day we found out we were having twins. I am completely at peace with it, as is M. I mean, there are a few things that bother me, like I'll be missing out on Cracker Barrel and Braums, but I will be in the land of In-n-Out and REAL Mexican food (I'm just gonna say it, TexMex is NOT Mexican food, sorry!) We are going to be ok. M can fly in to see us on his long weekends and we will be able to call each other whenever we want to. Now that is a strange idea given the fact that we just went through 15 months of once every 3 week phone calls and once a week emails.

There is so much to do in the next few weeks though. The movers aren't coming until after the kids and I are gone, so I have to have the house organized by what I want in what boxes. I don't want to open up our boxes when we pull them from storage in 10 months and find the bathroom mats in with the kitchen dishes or the extra office supplies packed with the garden hose. And because all of our house hold goods are going into storage for 10 months, I need to have all of the curtains, cushions and mats washed and perfectly folded before they get boxed up. Not to mention that the customs dude is so anal that there can't be a speck of dirt on any shoe, flower pot or outdoor toy that you pack, so all of those have to be cleaned and the holes in the wall have to be filled... and the walls have to be painted... and I need to sort out what we are going to take to CA and what is going to be packed... and go through all of the baby stuff...

As much as I'm going to miss living in Germany, I'm excited to come home. I'm ready to have options where to grocery shop and be able to get my hair and nails done on a regular basis. Ok, that is SO not going to happen with twins coming. What am I thinking? Now comes the really big decision: Do I want an iPhone or a Blackberry???

on the homefront

CB's birthday was a couple of weeks ago and her present arrived yesterday. I got her the Fisher Price My First Dollhouse and all of the fun accessories. She was so excited when she got it and her eyes lit up like never before. This is really the first time her dad and I have gotten her her "own" toy. She normally just shares everything with W, but she was really ready to play with something else besides trucks and train tracks.

After I had opened up the three thousand packages that came with this thing and had untied the ninety million twisty ties, she immediately went to work setting up the house and putting everything where she thought it should go. Once she had the rooms set up, she put the mom in bed and the dad in the kitchen. She told me the mom was sick and the dad was doing the dishes. Um... oops? 3 months ago I'm pretty sure she would have put the mom in the kitchen because that is where I was all the time, but since I have spent the past 12 weeks laying on my fat butt, she now thinks that moms just lay down all day. I am not setting a very good example, am I?

In my defense, I am getting better. I had a great day yesterday, even made gumbo (from scratch!) for dinner and took the kids outside to play. But then I spent this morning laying on the floor in front of an open door to get some air between crawling to the fridge and microwave to get the kids their breakfast and whatever else their little hearts desired. I did finally get anti nausea meds, BUT, we are pretty sure the instructions say you have to take them with food and you have to chew them-- 2 things that aren't really possible when you want to do nothing but puke your guts out so they aren't really working for me! I'd go for the regular "American" anti nausea meds, but those make me sicker so I guess I have to suck it up and tough it out.

I know I am back to being a slacker. I tend to go in spurts; 3 days of being good about communicating and then a week or more of not. My average time for returning an email this spurt is 10 days and that is really not acceptable but it is what it is. We have so much going on right now, from trying to get the house organized and ready to pack should the Army ever give us a move date to trying to get CB's evaluations for Occupational and Physical Therapy for her sensory issues and her motor skill development done ASAP. The evaluations require me to clean the house like a madwoman because the Therapists come to our house and I don't want them to judge me. W has taken to waking up at exactly 5:13 every morning so by the time the kids go to bed and I have a second to sit and relax and/ or catch up with the people who live in my computer, the fatigue and heartburn kick in and then I just sit and groan all night about how miserable I am. M is so totally in love with me right now, it isn't even funny.

The good news is that I can officially say that the snow is gone and it is warming up! Let's just pray that we don't have one of those "Late winter freak snowstorms" anytime soon.